My mom and I had a huge blowout of a fight a couple of months after I got engaged. The reason it got to be such a screamfest (okay I was the only one screaming) was because prior to that day, instead of nipping things in the bud that were bothering me, I didn’t say anything. I was attempting to keep the peace by not saying anything at all when she made comments I didn’t agree with, and by the end of a string of these comments, I completely lost my shit and let everything come out at once. I am a very outspoken person so not speaking my mind from the get was basically like poison to my brain. As soon as I let all of the toxic out, I felt relief, but I also felt sadness and guilt because of the scale of my reaction. Had I calmly stated my issues or put my foot down a little harder in prior conversations, I doubt it would have gotten to the point that it did.
One of my bridesmaids recently lost her job, and as I was thinking about where to shop for bridesmaid gowns, I started to realize that it was a possibility that she may drop out of the wedding due to the expense. I wouldn’t be replacing her, so I started thinking about how I would reorganize, where I would change my shower venue options to since the cost would be split between less people, etc. I wanted her to be in the wedding, but only if she really wanted to be in it. We are shopping for bridesmaid dresses in two weeks while my MOH Rachelle is in town, so I knew that I would have to get this figured out before we went shopping. We went out to lunch today and as it turns out, she is still going to be in the wedding, and I had been worried for the past week for nothing. My concerns were not irrational, but had I waited and not spoken to her about it, resentment may have built on both sides, and I would have gone on for months until the dresses were ordered, worrying that maybe she would drop out. Now that’s one less thing that I have to stress about.
I encourage you to think about what is bothering you and why, and tactfully discuss it with the person that it applies to, because stress causes outbursts, and it also causes wrinkles… and nobody needs wrinkles.