Since when is asking people if you can come to their wedding appropriate?
First there was someone who said “I will definitely be there” whom we weren’t sure if we were inviting. Then there was “when can we book our room?” from a couple on our “maybe” list. Lastly there was a couple, whom I have never met, who straight up asked Joey if they could come. Each of these people have pissed me off in ways you can’t imagine.
Our guest list has been growing instead of shrinking and it’s starting to give me serious anxiety. I wanted to invite around 130 people and the guest list is now at 175. I could scream. The hopes of having a small to medium sized wedding are destroyed.
The guest list has been the most agonizing task for me. People tell you “It’s your wedding. Do what makes you happy.” The people who tell you this are very sweet and they are not immediate family. Immediate family does not ASK for people they want invited…they give you a list and EXPECT people to be invited. Some of these people we have zero relationships with. The rules are so daunting. Because we invite one member of the family, you have to invite the brother, and of course the brother is married…it goes on and on.
You should NEVER ask to come to a wedding, nor should you try to reserve your spot by making it known that you assume you are invited. That is so fucking rude. The people getting married won’t forget about you. The guest list is not a one day, finish-in-an-hour task. It’s something that the couple goes over together, then goes over with their parents, then gets revised, and revised, and revised until it’s time to send Save the Dates. Forgetting someone is an impossibility. If you are meant to be invited, you will be. If you are not, don’t be offended. A TON of factors go into a guest list, including venue limitations, intimate weddings, and the biggest reason of all…budget. The reception is the most expensive part of the wedding and going beyond a certain number for the guest list is just not an option for a lot of people. There are people I would like to invite but can’t, and I’m sure it’s that way for most couples.
We are the hosts of the wedding so we technically do not have to invite anyone we don’t want to invite. People who have their parents paying for the wedding probably get pushed over even more and I feel for them because they will end up in a room full of people who they really don’t care are there or not. I had always imagined a room full of people who love us and whom we love as much back…but instead there will be people there whom I have never met. However, I care about the feelings of my family and Joey’s family and so I am trying to make everyone as happy as possible. We didn’t invite 100% of the people that they wanted invited but we did invite most of them. That’s the thing about weddings…unless you elope, you will never have complete control over the guest list…maybe not even then. I don’t want to start any family dramas and I REALLY don’t want to hear about it because it’s stressful enough without a guilt trip.
There have been other wedding dramas lately, but I’ll save those for another blog. Over the holidays I will attempt to stop stressing and appreciate that we have wonderful families and that Joey and I have each other, and I hope that all my fellow brides can do the same.