The Guest List

Since when is asking people if you can come to their wedding appropriate?

First there was someone who said “I will definitely be there” whom we weren’t sure if we were inviting.  Then there was “when can we book our room?” from a couple on our “maybe” list.  Lastly there was a couple, whom I have never met, who straight up asked Joey if they could come.  Each of these people have pissed me off in ways you can’t imagine.

Our guest list has been growing instead of shrinking and it’s starting to give me serious anxiety.  I wanted to invite around 130 people and the guest list is now at 175.  I could scream.  The hopes of having a small to medium sized wedding are destroyed.

The guest list has been the most agonizing task for me.  People tell you “It’s your wedding.  Do what makes you happy.”  The people who tell you this are very sweet and they are not immediate family.  Immediate family does not ASK for people they want invited…they give you a list and EXPECT people to be invited.  Some of these people we have zero relationships with.  The rules are so daunting.   Because we invite one member of the family, you have to invite the brother, and of course the brother is married…it goes on and on.

You should NEVER ask to come to a wedding, nor should you try to reserve your spot by making it known that you assume you are invited. That is so fucking rude.  The people getting married won’t forget about you.  The guest list is not a one day, finish-in-an-hour task.  It’s something that the couple goes over together, then goes over with their parents, then gets revised, and revised, and revised until it’s time to send Save the Dates.  Forgetting someone is an impossibility. If you are meant to be invited, you will be.  If you are not, don’t be offended.  A TON of factors go into a guest list, including venue limitations, intimate weddings, and the biggest reason of all…budget.  The reception is the most expensive part of the wedding and going beyond a certain number for the guest list is just not an option for a lot of people.  There are people I would like to invite but can’t, and I’m sure it’s that way for most couples.

We are the hosts of the wedding so we technically do not have to invite anyone we don’t want to invite.  People who have their parents paying for the wedding probably get pushed over even more and I feel for them because they will end up in a room full of people who they really don’t care are there or not.  I had always imagined a room full of people who love us and whom we love as much back…but instead there will be people there whom I have never met.  However, I care about the feelings of my family and Joey’s family and so I am trying to make everyone as happy as possible.  We didn’t invite 100% of the people that they wanted invited but we did invite most of them. That’s the thing about weddings…unless you elope, you will never have complete control over the guest list…maybe not even then.  I don’t want to start any family dramas and I REALLY don’t want to hear about it because it’s stressful enough without a guilt trip.

There have been other wedding dramas lately, but I’ll save those for another blog.  Over the holidays I will attempt to stop stressing and appreciate that we have wonderful families and that Joey and I have each other, and I hope that all my fellow brides can do the same.

Sometimes you need to take a break.

I’ve been on a hiatus from wedding planning the past few weeks.  I hosted Thanksgiving at my house; my dog had to have a mass removed and tested; I had three doctor appointments myself; and Joey still hadn’t contacted officiants, which is the only thing I have required him to do by himself thus far.  I asked him to do it a couple months ago and every week since then.  It would have been easier for me to do it myself but I like to prove a point.

Basically since the week before Thanksgiving I have been an emotional wreck.  Between personal issues and the pressure of wedding planning I was feeling extremely overwhelmed.  Joey told me to ask for help but I don’t really know what to ask for help with.  I’m not about to make my bridesmaids book vendors for me, and the details are not something that I would have someone else take care of for me.  The worst part of being a detail-oriented person is that you feel the need to do everything yourself and it gets to be too much sometimes.  But what is the resolution?  Now that I know that my dog (Chandler) and I are both okay physically, I am hoping that planning gets easier.

I moved looking at wedding dresses from October to January so I could lose some weight before trying them on, but I haven’t been able to make myself work out.  I have been emotionally drained, physically exhausted and all I wanted to do was curl up in a blanket and watch tv.  So now I only have a month to try and lose weight.  I am disappointed in myself…I always thought that once I was engaged I would really have motivation to get into better shape, but it’s been a struggle.  I worked out yesterday, will work out today and I hope that I can keep myself on a schedule because it’s really starting to get to be crunch time. (more like crunchES time, am I right!?)

Joey did finally end up contacting a couple of officiants, and we are meeting one tomorrow.  I really hope it works out because this is the only thing that we are behind schedule on and it’s really grinding my gears.