Three Days

We’re in the home stretch.  I never thought I would make it.

Last week I went in for what I thought was my final dress fitting but the seamstress had decided to take out my dress more in the back.  Instead of JUST taking out the back, she also took out the waistline, which never needed to be taken out from the get go.  When I put it on I immediately felt that the waist was really loose and when I stepped out of the room and looked at myself in the mirror I did not like what I saw.  There was just no waistline and in my head I was thinking “if I knew the dress was going to look like this I never would have bought it.”  I told them that it was too loose in the waist and she said they could take it in…but they kept saying how pretty it was and I honestly have not felt more ugly in my life.  As soon as we left I was in full meltdown mode and started crying.  My mom tried to force me to go back in to let them know how upset I was, but I didn’t want to make a scene so I called the next day instead and reiterated that I wanted the waist taken back in.

I picked the dress up today and it was back to the way it was supposed to be.  I am extremely relieved.  The day of the dress fitting last week and the day after were very emotionally taxing for me for some reason.  I just laid in bed and cried when I woke up the next day.  For some reason I kept thinking about all of the things in general that have upset me and it was really hard.  I feel totally fine now…maybe I just needed to have a meltdown and get it over with. Or maybe it was the Blood Moon.

I also now have an ailment which I have been referring to as “Wedding Brain.”  It’s like Pregnancy Brain but there is no physical reason for it…it’s strictly psychological.  You can tell me something and three seconds later I forgot we even had the conversation.  It’s a good thing I eventually do remember…I wonder what surprises I have in store for myself today!

One of the hardest parts of planning this wedding has been that life doesn’t stop just because you’re getting married.  You still have your job, your everyday responsibilities and everyday payments to worry about on top of organizing a huge life event.  Doesn’t the universe care that I’m getting married!? Now that we’ve paid all of the vendors it has been a huge load off of my mind.

My state of mind right now:  slightly nervous, slightly anxious, slightly excited, slightly feeling like it’s not really happening.